Dear Blogger,

It's not you, it's me. Tumblr is where I update. He understands me more.

www.yoursealimbs.tumblr.com

I'm sorry.

formspring.me

Shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior. http://formspring.me/abchrissyz

I Feel Horrible

Tumblr has taken over, I don't look at this as much.

I will change that soon.

I just need something to write about.

It is "Singles Awareness Day", I am very much aware.

"You Are Not Special.

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else."

Everyone is obsessed with relationships, or their lack of one. Everyone needs someone else to be happy. Everyone needs to be dependent of someone. This makes me sick. Why is it the new trend to need someone? When did this get embedded into our puny, unused brains?

We're all just waiting for someone to save us. We're all just lazy little fucks. We're all just sitting here, biding the time by fantasizing of our "Prince Charming". We hold our breaths waiting for him to cross the threshold of that door, and sweep us off our feet. Asphyxiation is taking longer than I expected.

"I'm In Thoughts."

I want the days to stay this mellow, I want to stay things to stay this calm. You're coming out of that shell, I can see the person I've grown up with poke out. Maybe, stay this way? I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Nostalgia, At Its Worst.

Every time I see this, I can feel her grip on my arm. Every time I see this, my eyes start to water. Every time I see this, my heart breaks a little more. Every time I see this, I remember exactly what I felt that night. It kills me so much.

I've never felt so distant from someone, who is 20 feet away washing dishes in the kitchen. Fuck, I'm crying right now elaborating on that picture. I would give up everything I have right now, to go back and preserve what we have in that picture.

I mean the only thing I've wanted for so long now is just to have that again. I ask for the impossible. This is why I'm hardly happy.

"Dry My Eyes So You Won't Know,

dry my eyes so I won't show. I know you're right behind me and don't you let me go, let me go tonight."

I am, currently, very into Lykke Li. I've always like her, but this week is just her week in my car.

I have had a very wonderful weekend so far. I think this is the best weekend this year, granted we're only two weeks in.

Last night I volunteered at the PSIFF. A movie called "The Making of Plus One" was playing, and Jennifer Tilly was in the movie. Guess who met her? Well, you could always look to the left. WE MET HER. I'm still not over this. You could ask Cave Dweller, the entire time we were talking at my car I was chanting "Jennifer Tilly". I then proceeded to go home and watch "The Seed of Chucky". I still couldn't believe that was her. I put my arm around her when we took pictures. She also started conversation! Last night was Cloud 9 night.

Today was, in short, HILARIOUS. Courtney, Alex, Servando, Noelia, and I watched "Nothing Personal". It was a beautiful movie, so wonderfully beautiful. Although, it was very sad. Most beautiful things are sad, no? After the movie we decided to walk around Downtown Palm Springs. We walked into all the tourist stores, please notice the first picture.

We had Courtney yell "ETHAN HAWKE" at some guy, because Alex was determined to be a "tourist" and get a picture with a "celebrity". The guy that was across the street decided to J-Walk to us, and invite us to eat frozen yogurt with him and his friends. When we declined, he walked away. When he was only about two feet away, we all cracked up. We ended up following him to Yogurt on Tap. We walked by twice, they noticed. When I was driving back home, I saw them walking. They were, without a doubt, looking for Courtney.

After the Yogurt on Tap incidence, I begged to get something from Sherman's because they just have the most delicious foods. We ordered a Tiramisu, which was quite a big slice. We finished it in two minutes. We couldn't stop laughing.

Wow, I had a life to blog about today. This is very contenting. Also, my mother is making Pho, a Vietnamese soup which is wonderfully delicious. I mean, just to make things that much better.

"You'll Be the Rhythm

and I'll be the beat. Then I'll be the rhythm and you'll be the beat. And love, the shoreline is where you and I meet."

I am not referring to my romance with Darth Vader. You know, aside from the "I cut my son's hand off" and the "I'll kill you if you don't please me" thing, he is a very sweet man.

Man, I'm an unhappy kid. I should maybe fix this one day.

I recently got over a cold, it wasn't too bad. I wish I was pampered a little more though. I'm just being honest, that's my favorite thing about being sick. I get homemade soup and the only thing expected of me is that I lay in bed all day. It wasn't that way this time. It's okay.

I really like the artist, artist being singer, Lykke Li. I mean, she is wonderfully talented.

I also need to have other adjective than wonderful. Although, wonderful is a pretty wonderful word. In my opinion, it's the most complimenting word. At least, if you hear me tell you that you are wonderful you've done something remarkable. I mean, isn't it nice to hear "Man, you are wonderful." I think so.

I get to volunteer at the Palm Springs International Film Festival again, it's very exciting. :)

"Now & Again It Seems Worse Than It Is,

but the view is mostly accurate."

I'm pretty fucking tired of being pretty fucking miserable, pretty fucking much every fucking day. I'm just some fucking teenager right? Some cookie-cutter teenager looking for your pity, looking for your "sorry", for your attention, and full of that teenage angst bullshit. I'm not, thanks for the stereotype though. I'm pretty tired of crying my eyes out, I can't really feel them right now. I mean, I really try hard. Don't I? I think I try pretty fucking hard.

I've run out of those fun little impressive adjectives and witty one liners to sweep you off your feet and charm you. I'm pretty numb and raw and blank. All I want to do right now is find a bridge, a wonderfully tall bridge to project my body off of. I want to hit the water with a giant splash. I don't want the pedestrians to notice, I don't want the cars to brake and look over, I don't want the news team. I just want to pull an undercover Houdini, but disappear forever and not reappear somewhere you don't expect.

The most fun thing ever is to watch a finally happy day break right in front of you. Finally, a reason to rush home eyes gleaming. Finally, a reason to smile walking through the threshold of the front door. Finally, a reason to sit at the table and mingle. Finally, happy for a few moments. Then, oh so suddenly, oh so swiftly, oh so quietly, it gets crushed right in her palm. She takes your happiness, your long waited for happiness, and smashes it on the floor. Later, she passes to spit on it. I mean, it's only your happiness dying. That can't be too bad, right?

"Of All the Churning Random Hearts,

under the sun, eventually fading into night, these two are opening now."

Meow, at the end of the day I'm always so lonely. I need a little sister. No matter how many times I will hear that I, in fact, do not want a sibling, I still want one. I want someone to look up to me, someone who won't mind spending time with me. Someone who will ask me for homework help, and believe every word I say, almost dogmatically. A little sister sounds wonderful, I could dress her up and watch her eyes shine. I told my mother this, she said I should get a doll.

"Sometimes I don't think people realize how lonely it is to be a kid."

I'm tired of watching everyone grow up and change. It makes me sound like even more of a sissy, but it really does hurt me to watch everyone grow up and away. It hurts so much to be so afraid to talk to childhood friends, I mean they were my best fucking friends in elementary school. What the hell happened? They're strangers now. I really hope I don't lose the few friends I'm trying to hold onto now. They're my world, and frankly, my distractions from the inevitable "growing up". I feel like I stay young with them, which is a weird feeling when you're 17. Feeling like you're old, that is.

The things I'm most nostalgic about are the petty worries I had as a child. I wish all my worries in the middle of the day was just that someone was going to count on my swing. I want to be oblivious again, blind me, please.

"And somewhere, maybe someday,

maybe somewhere far away I'll find a second little person, who will look at me and say, 'I know you. You're the one I've waited for. Let's have some fun.'"

I have a very deep disdain for the phrase "There's a lot of fish in the sea", when it is applied to my lack of a relationship. Come March, I'll have been single for two years. It's mostly my fault though, I've had so many chances for wonderful boys to be a part of my life. I have a problem though, I just won't tear down the brick wall surrounding my heart. I don't let people in as much as I should. It's unhealthy. I mean, I'll only cry in front of two people. One of the two is one of the reasons I cry so much. Can tear ducts run out?

I don't think it's very healthy to be so afraid of being hurt, also. I don't trust anyone. I always feel like people say they care about me to gain my trust, then crush me. I feel like my friends talk behind my back. I feel like my friends laugh at my problems. I feel like I shouldn't trust anyone. This can't be good at all.

I recently saw Up In The Air, it's a wonderful movie. The ending surprised me. I'm not much of a movie critic, and it doesn't take too much for me to just hands down adore a movie, but man, did that ending get me. The soundtrack is also nice. George Clooney is very attractive for an older man. I'm just saying.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Am I right?

Ask some questions, get some answers.

Curiosity killed the cat,

satisfaction brought it back.

^^^ It's a link to my formspring, thing.

"All Your Seasick Sailors

they are rowing home. All your reindeer armies, are all going home. The lover who just walked out your door, has taken all his blankets from the floor. The carpet, too, is moving under you. And it's all over now, Baby Blue."

Aught 9 was not a wonderful year for me. Wonderful, at least for me, is a low standard. I don't expect much of life anymore, I don't enjoy being let down. I know I'm always so down and I'm always so pessimistic now a days, but if I list some things that happened in aught 9 it'd be a little more understandable. I won't go into detail though.

New Years Eve was a horrible night. Anymore, every night is a horrible night. But I digress, I'd rather not go into detail about this one.

New Years Day, today, is not great but not horrible. I think the only reason for this is that I am distracted by The Twilight Zone Marathon. Oh, Rod Serling, you are a wonderful man.

Well, cross your fingers for the new year.