Monday, January 04, 2010

"Of All the Churning Random Hearts,

under the sun, eventually fading into night, these two are opening now."

Meow, at the end of the day I'm always so lonely. I need a little sister. No matter how many times I will hear that I, in fact, do not want a sibling, I still want one. I want someone to look up to me, someone who won't mind spending time with me. Someone who will ask me for homework help, and believe every word I say, almost dogmatically. A little sister sounds wonderful, I could dress her up and watch her eyes shine. I told my mother this, she said I should get a doll.

"Sometimes I don't think people realize how lonely it is to be a kid."

I'm tired of watching everyone grow up and change. It makes me sound like even more of a sissy, but it really does hurt me to watch everyone grow up and away. It hurts so much to be so afraid to talk to childhood friends, I mean they were my best fucking friends in elementary school. What the hell happened? They're strangers now. I really hope I don't lose the few friends I'm trying to hold onto now. They're my world, and frankly, my distractions from the inevitable "growing up". I feel like I stay young with them, which is a weird feeling when you're 17. Feeling like you're old, that is.

The things I'm most nostalgic about are the petty worries I had as a child. I wish all my worries in the middle of the day was just that someone was going to count on my swing. I want to be oblivious again, blind me, please.

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